The Onion: “New Study: It is impossible to lose weight”

An awesome article from “The Onion” dated June 10th, entitled: “New Study Finds It Is Impossible To Lose Weight.”

(FYI — “The Onion” is an American news satire organization. It is an entertainment newspaper and a website featuring satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news, in addition to a non-satirical entertainment section.)

The article states: “According to a groundbreaking new study published Monday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association, it is impossible to lose weight, no one has ever lost a single pound of fat through diet or exercise, and those attempting to do so are advised to abandon their weight loss goals immediately.

The study, conducted by scientists at The National Weight Control Registry, determined conclusively that shedding excess weight has never occurred, changing your appearance is impossible, and that it actually feels “pretty nice” to just give up and realize that you’re powerless to alter your body mass index in any way, shape, or form.

Our findings indicate that if you’re trying to lose weight, you will fail—and that’s because you can’t, no one has, and you need to stop trying because it will never happen,” said Dr. Rena Wing, lead author of the report. “You could work out every day and eat nothing, and you still wouldn’t lose an ounce. And the sooner you throw up your hands and make peace with that fact, the better off you’ll be.”

HA! This article makes me giggle!

I saw this article posted to a Facebook page I follow, and some of the commenters were saying that the sad part of this article, is that some doctors likely give their patients this advice!

Many people probably take that advice and give up on their weight loss efforts — as weight loss in and of itself is extremely challenging, and it can be very easy to give up hope when one is not seeing the results he or she is looking for.

The study went on to say that while losing weight is impossible, gaining weight is not only well within the realm of what is physically achievable, but is “remarkably easy and 100 percent inevitable.”

Now, back to reality! I happen to know for myself — and have seen evidence that it is possible to lose weight. Yes, it takes 100% dedication and commitment to changing one’s life — but it’s not something that can’t be done.

The challenge of losing weight and the fact that people commonly give up on weight loss goals (think: New Year’s Resolutions!) is what makes this article so funny.

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2 Responses to The Onion: “New Study: It is impossible to lose weight”

  1. My doctor admitted that the primary reason doctors don’t recommend diet and exercise OVER drugs is that reality is that most people won’t stick with the diet and exercise so it is more realistic to just tell them they will just have to be on pills the rest of their life. The younger you are, the more likely doctors will be to encourage diet and exercise, but the older you get, the more you have developed life habits and drugs are the first choice. Sadly, they may be right FAR MORE than they are wrong because it’s true. Most people intend to lose weight but after a few months go back to their lifestyles they were accustomed to. Nice post!

    • delongka16 says:

      Thank you for your comment!

      I think also, a lot of times, doctors may be pressured by the pharmaceutical industry to prescribe and sell more pills.

      The pharmaceutical industry is a billion dollar industry because we are all so sick — likely because we aren’t eating right or exercising — not to mention, those pills we take come with side effects that must be treated — with more pills.

      I think a lot of the health issues we suffer from can ultimately be linked to what goes in our mouths.

      It is sad that when doctors recommend healthy eating and exercise, people won’t take that simple step to try to save their own lives.

      We’ll run out of a building if there’s a fire, we’ll head underground if there’s a tornado, we’ll try to run away if we see a person with a gun — but when it comes to managing our own health and ultimately saving our life — it’s just too much effort.

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